THE LIES men tell

That anaconda story? Totally false!

IF you’re perceptive, you’ll be able to pick up when your man is being a barefaced fibber. It’s the way he shifts his eyes, the way his story changes, and the way he tries hard to convince you, even when you tell him that his story has more holes than Swiss cheese. Worse, is the man who tries to impress you by insisting that certain things are firsts for him; it’s his first time watching a porno even though he has a stash at his house; you’re the first one he’s had unprotected sex with, even though he has five kids… and the list goes on.

Look out for these lies and arm yourself with a lie repellent strategy, ladies:

• “It is the first time I’ve had any problem keeping an erection.” Men have a tendency to boast of their stamina and skills as it relates to sex. However, when he fails to get an erection, he’ll appear shocked and will be quick to point out that it has never, ever happened before. In reality, ladies, his engine has probably failed to start countless times before. The sign to look out for: His wide and varied knowledge of the intricacies of erectile dysfunction that would rival any MD’s.

• “You are the only person I had ever had sexual intercourse with without using a condom.” This is one of the oldest and lamest lies in the book and there are men who will swear on the Bible for this one, yet they are the fathers of several children (immaculate conception maybe)!

• “This is the first time I have performed oral sex on anyone.” You can tell if it’s a lie judging from his oral skills and expertise. Some men will shy away from admitting that they engage in oral activities out of fear of being stigmatised. When the need does arise for this forbidden activity, he will swear that it’s his first experience.

• “I’m blessed”. Even the guy who needs a magnifying glass to view his member will boast about having an anaconda. In a man’s mind the length of his tool is very, very important as his sexual identity is based on it.

• “I am not married.” Even when signs of marriage are obvious, a man will deny being married. He will still deny being married although there is a visible imprint of his wedding band on his finger and he will find excuses for why you are never invited to spend a week or even a day at his dwelling. Also as soon as he gets home his phone battery suddenly dies thus making him unavailable. This lie is usually short lived though, as who can hide a marriage and kids for long?

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