Question: I’m 36, still in a relationship with my high school sweetheart. We lived together briefly, then decided to save money and each live with our parents. We sleep at one of our families’ home on weekends.
We’re both happy with this, but getting pestered by our friends to marry and have children, saying I soon won’t be able to have any and then I’ll regret it.
I don’t really like kids much, never have, and have no interest in babies or older ones. I’m sure if I do have one, that’s what I’ll regret! He agrees with me.
Should I be listening to my friends in case they’re right? Or, how can I get them to stop saying we’re being selfish?
Confused
Answer: Don’t let others’ opinions rule a decision that will change and affect the rest of your life.
The worst possible scenario is to have children and then reject them, even if you raise them but remain emotionally cold to them.
Listen to your own instincts, in mind and body.
You appear to have the right partner for compatibility. If you feel there’s lasting love between you, and neither is moved to create a family together, live as you choose. It’s not selfish, if you’re not just avoiding responsibility but, instead, know you’re not cut out for parenthood.
If you later feel you’ve missed a connection with children, and sincerely wish some level of involvement, volunteer with those in hospital, orphanages, or with Big Sister and Big Brother organizations.
Question: I’m a North American living in Bali where my husband and I are teachers. Domestic help’s very affordable here, there’s a housekeeping couple who come daily to my home.
They’re currently not getting along, as the husband goes out every night and the wife’s angry and arguing with him all day. It’s brought a lot of tension into the home, especially on our days off when they’re around.
My husband counselled the man, and I talked to the wife, so now they still carry on and then come to us, saying how wrong/bad the other one is. How do we tell them they can’t fight in our house anymore?
Embattled
Answer: Speak up: You’re their employers, not their family. By listening to their personal problems in your home, you opened the door to this ongoing drama. End it, as far as you’re concerned.
Explain that your home is their workplace, and if they can’t work together there in peace, one of them will have to go. Be firm and straightforward, not apologetic.
Add that you both care about them as people and recommend they get professional counselling, so they can work out their problems without losing the job for one or both.
Question: My next-door neighbour’s the manager of our townhouse complex. He’s key to getting things done around here. However, his three Great Danes climb over the dividing flower beds between our houses. They even go inside my house if the back door’s open in summer.
I like my neighbour and I like dogs, but not when they’re jumping on my furniture and trampling my garden. Besides, we have a daughter, two, who starts screaming when the dogs come inside. What should I do?
Intruded
Answer: Don’t be a “Welcome” doormat. Build a fence outside, and put a child’s gate in the open doorway. Tell your neighbour that good fences make for good relationships on both sides, especially as your child has to be protected and you cannot risk her overexciting the dogs.
TIP OF THE DAY
Have the courage to follow your own instincts on whether to have a child.
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