Love triangles all around

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I have a problem of my own. I am in my late 20s and have been seeing a man who is nearly twice my age. This man lives with his girlfriend and they’ve been together for a number of years. When we first met, he told me about his first girlfriend and that he was also seeing someone else. I was ok with the situation and accepted the role I would play.

He stopped talking to the second woman, because she was bi-sexual and preferred women to men. He has fallen in love with me, but I do not love him the way he loves me. He recently found out that I was involved with another man and became angry. I had to remind my first boyfriend that he was in the same situation as I.

more problems

I want a man of my own and can’t see myself being on “the side” for too long. My first boyfriend does everything for me and I’m afraid to leave him, but I don’t want him to leave his lady to be with me because that would be more problems than I could handle.

I have a lot of male friends, and he is jealous because he believes that these men only want sex from me. He drives me crazy with his insecurities and has threatened to kill me on numerous occasions. I have given out his personal information because I take his threats seriously. Please give me your advice.


Dear B.,

Your letter does not speak very highly of you. Are you aware that what you have said proves that you are not a good woman and that your intention of having these men in your life is to get as much financial support from them? You don’t care whether these men have their other women, so long as they roll the money on you.

You are pretending right now that you want to have a man who is not attached to any woman. But, as I see it, even if you were to find a man who did not have another woman, you would still remain with these guys who can give you money.


I am trying to determine why you have written. Is it your conscience that is bothering you? Your first boyfriend has a woman. He’ll give you anything you want. He suggested that he would leave his girlfriend totally, and you objected to that. Face it, you love the role you play.

So, what has happened to the second boyfriend? Is he free? Why have you not said much about him? You are very much a player. You must remember that you put your life at risk when you take money from men and give them the impression that you love and belong to them, only for them to discover that you are lying and untrustworthy. I warn you, stop trying to fool men. You will get hurt. Some men can’t stand the thought of a woman using them and may do crazy things.


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