Getting burned in effigy is one thing. Anybody with fifteen minutes of free time, access to straw and a Sharpie can have a go without working up a real hate for you.
But when people start burning a 50-foot high completely faithful duplicate of you, you may want to start worrying.
On Friday, Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney gets the phony Inquisition from the Edenbridge Bonfire Society. They do this sort of thing to someone every year to commemorate Guy Fawkes Day.
Rooney’s sins this year are myriad. He dallied with a woman not his wife who takes money for that sort of thing – from him, and then from newspapers.
He threatened to leave United for crosstown rivals Manchester City, slagged United and his teammates terribly, and then reversed course at the 11th hour for a truckload of money.
Shortly after signing the deal, he jetted off to rehabilitate a nagging injury at a luxury resort in Dubai. British photogs spent the next week watching the ghostly Liverpudlian burn in the sun, while wondering if he had indeed bought his wife, Colleen, a new set of breasts as an “I’m really sorry about the hooker” sort of thing.
Meanwhile, United’s next big striking star – Mexican teenager Javier Hernandez – has been lighting up the side, creating the impression that the team bought heavily into Rooney just before the market crashed.
Now this.
Rooney’s effigy comes complete with a bag o’ money and green ears (e.g. the pug-faced, prematurely balding Rooney has often been compared to Shrek. Even the hooker had to mention it.)
Rooney joins a slew of other famous British hate-figures.
In the past, the Edenbridge Bonfire Society has burned old lady insulters (former PM Gordon Brown), everybody insulters (comedian Russell Brand) and nitwits (“model” Katie Price).
But he shouldn’t take it personally.
“I hate football myself, so I’m quite happy to burn a footballer,” the Society’s spokesperson, Charles Laver told the Guardian.
So, it’s just a generalized animus sort of thing. Whew, Rooney’s thinking, at least I’ve still got Manchester United fans.
“One of our members is a big Man U fan,” Laver continued. “So he’s been advising us on getting all the details of the (uniform) just right.”
Oh.
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