Dear Readers: Every new beginning is an opportunity for trying fresh ways to improve your relationships, even the one you have with yourself.
Most of us see any relationship problems we encounter in terms of how we’re affected, what worries us, what holds us back, upsets us, makes us unhappy.
But a fresh start provides firsts – new approaches that will help you to turn things around.
So here are some New Year’s Relationship Resolutions to help you in initiating change.
Resolve to be the first to appreciate what someone close to you does for you. Your mother may offer too many unsolicited opinions but rather than argue with her about them, or show annoyance, first thank her for caring so much. After that, gently changing the conversation will be more easily accepted.
Resolve to be first to trust your partner before overreacting. Unless you’ve allied yourself with a known cheater, immature jerk or someone you knew too little about, the partner you chose is far more likely to be telling the truth than deceiving you. Listen, trust and let time reveal whether his or her behaviour demands further explanation.
Resolve to be the first to show how much you care about people who are close to you. Don’t play the waiting game with siblings, other relatives and friends who are just as busy in their own way as you are. Send cards for special occasions, and email and text those little messages that show you’re thinking about them. And take the time to call or visit when personal contact is needed.
Resolve to go to the head of the line in expressing thanks to people who help you — at work, in your activities, in your neighbourhood. All of us have a network around us, but sometimes we act as if it’s invisible until somebody does something wrong. Thank them for what they do right, which is most of the time.
Resolve to think of your health first — which means take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Only you can be responsible for self-care. So if everyone is partying on a night when you’re exhausted, take a pass. It won’t be your last chance at fun — and you’ll get fewer chances if you get sick.
Resolve to apply this “first-my-health” concept (that’s not “me-first,” which is about self-absorption and entitlement) to your dating relationships. If someone’s behaviour towards you is controlling, intimidating and provoking more than loving and nurturing, you’re in an unhealthy dynamic. Be first to recognize this and urge your partner to do the same if you want to stay together. Otherwise, the damage to your self-image and confidence as well as your emotional well-being can be long lasting.
Resolve to try some firsts in other areas of your life and they’ll reflect back on your relationships. Take an upgrading course in your field as part of a rebooted career plan, study a new language that opens doors to travelling to places you’ve never been, start an exercise program — as modest as walking 30 minutes three times a week, in mall walks or outdoors — and you’ll improve how you look and have more energy.
Resolve to add something to your life that makes you laugh out loud — a belly-dancing class, watching comedic films, playing with your children or grandkids at their level.
And remember this: Though Jan. 1 is ideal for planning first steps to make your relationships and life happier and healthier, overworking at it and overanalyzing it is counterproductive.
TIP OF THE DAY
Use the start of 2011 for personal inspiration!
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