Sex when she doesn’t want / can’t have sex

THERE are a variety of factors that affect a woman’s ability to have sex outside of just not being ‘in the mood’. Some of these factors include sexual dysfunction, where for example certain medicines like oral contraceptives and chemotherapy drugs; diseases such as diabetes or high blood pressure; excessive alcohol use, or vaginal infections can cause sexual problems. Others include depression, sexual abuse or more serious problems like vaginismus.

Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vaginal opening, which occurs whenever an attempt is made to penetrate the vagina. It is not due to a physical deformity or disorder, instead, it is an emotional condition that occurs because of psychological reasons that manifests itself in a physical way.

If there’s no medical reason for withholding, experts will warn women of the importance of not using sex as a tool in relationships.

According to counselling psychologist Jacqueline Champier, denying him sex for no good reason is something that should never be done under any circumstances as it could have adverse effects. She therefore advises women to ensure that ‘shop’ is open to the shopper 24-seven and not just when she feels like it or only when things are OK in the relationship.

“Shop-locking should never be used as a weapon or tool in conflict resolution. Couples should find suitable ways to solve problems,” she advises.

Champier gave reasons why women should not withhold sex from their men:

• When one shop door closes, another is usually right around the corner with a big neon sign that blinks ‘OPEN FOR BUSINESS’.

• Other shops that are open elsewhere sometimes stock goods that are usually illegal and contaminated, of which the men could get sick or sometimes even die.

• Not only can the man get sick from this consumption, but so can the woman at home after she has decided to re-open her shop.

• When shop locks, it is the shopkeeper (woman) who ends up suffering more.

• Even if the man tries not to leave any trace of what went on outside the relationship, it often has some adverse effect.

•The man might end up liking eating outside so much that he refuses to come back home.