Question: My husband of five years is the best father to our children, but a disaster financially.
He has his own business. Initially, he was bringing in a decent income but experienced a tough economic climate these past years.
From the start, I paid the down payment on our house, all mortgage payments, utilities, groceries, car, taxes, etc. It wasn’t supposed to be just me paying … he was supposed to have been successful and make us financially secure.
Two years ago, he needed a short-term business loan before a payment came in. We agreed that I’d lend him the money, which he’d pay back in three weeks. He’d also charged $100,000 to my credit cards for business-related expenses (also on my approval it’d be paid back when the money came in).
Instead, he put it into another business deal, which he thought would reap large rewards. It didn’t.
I’ve had to refinance the house to reduce credit-card debt. I pulled money from savings for the kids and my pension savings. I started a web business in addition to my well-paying job, to make ends meet.
He still hasn’t closed a deal (says it’s imminent). He’s apologized repeatedly for what he did, but I’m still pissed off, uninterested in sex with him, and unsure I can get over this betrayal.
I’m wondering if I can make this work, as we have kids and he’s a good person, just a bad business manager.
Answer: You won’t make this relationship work, if you stay pissed off and emotionally withdrawn. But you can work at keeping your marriage together by getting professional financial help focusing on long-term strategy as well as immediate solutions. But first, separate the issues — the guy’s poor at money, period. Your no-sex punishment does nothing to resolve that trait.
Remember, if you separate, you’re still owed the money, still need to pay household bills, which he can’t manage, and will likely have to continue to support him awhile since you’re the higher wage earner.
Get to an accountant together, and separate his business from your personal and household finances. Your husband also needs to see a business management consultant, available through his bank.
Meanwhile, pay for what you have to now, but make future arrangements whereby he either relies on a line of credit, business loans, or faces the possibility of closing this business and getting a job instead. He’ll be far less inclined to make risky decisions, when he has to deal with a bank instead of you.
Tough economic times have hit a lot of people. With one parent still earning well, your four kids deserve more than you throwing in the towel on the marriage.
TIP OF THE DAY
A freeloader will take more and more advantage, until stopped.
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