So you are in a relationship but you feel like a prisoner as you are unable to socially interact with friends and associates because your spouse is uncomfortable with such association. He/she accuses you of being in a relationship with every passer-by that smiles with you.
Jealousy in the relationship can run the gamut of mere expression of care, to extreme aggression and paranoia. It is certainly fine for one partner to warn his/her spouse about accepting an invitation from an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who obviously has ulterior motives. It gets real bad, however, when your spouse forbids you to sit at the lunch table with co-workers of the opposite sex and even worse when physical abuse occurs.
What drives such aggressive behaviour?
1. Sometimes the ‘once bitten twice shy’ adage applies. The jealous spouse may have been in a situation where they were cheated on and so he/she becomes suspicious of all members of the opposite sex who indicate an interest. The new person would have to prove his trustworthiness or he/she would be ‘fried in the same oil’ as the one before.
2. The jealous individual may suffer from self- esteem issues and so believe that his/her spouse may not find him/her attractive and may want to leave for someone better looking. This low self-esteem may cause this individual to display aggressive behaviour towards his/her spouse as he/she strives to protect the investment (relationship).
3. In some instances one partner may feel a sense of insecurity, especially if the other partner is more educated or earns more money. Men are usually the ones with this problem. In order to establish who wears the pants in the home, they resort to sinister acts like stalking, checking cell phones, calling the lady 24 hours a day, picking up and dropping off even if he has to drive miles to make the trip, etc. There was even a case where the man’s jealousy drove him to proceed to examine his partner’s body cavity to convince himself that she was not unfaithful to him after she arrived home late from work.
Suggestions for the victim of jealousy
1. Ensure you remain faithful to your spouse and give him/her no reason to doubt your integrity.
2. Be transparent. Share openly with your spouse most if not all aspects of your life. Be willing to disclose your agenda for the day. If someone has indicated interest in you, feel free to share such information with your spouse. It would certainly clear your conscience as you know and your spouse knows that the feeling is not mutual.
3. If your partner is overly possessive and jealous and you are uncomfortable in such a situation, you may need to speak with him/her about your discomfort. A counsellor may be required to help you both deal with the untenable situation.
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