By Sandrea:-MYGRIPE
When you meet someone and a romance began that leads to a marriage or a long term liaison, the last thing most people concern themselves about is the stepchildren that they will inherit if either of the individual has children before they met.
Most couple who already have children believe that should they get involved in a relationship then it stand to reason that your partner will not only accept you but your offspring as well. However, there are children that can make their parent and step parent life a living nightmare. Why would that they do that? The vast majority of children hate when their natural parent separate, or divorce and they cannot see anyone replacing their mother or their father, in particular their mother.
How best to cope with step children, when they decide to reject you without given you the opportunity to prove yourself. You will find that children under the age of 5 do not usually give their step parent a great deal of problem. However, it is the children above that age, especial the adult ones, that have an understanding that their parents are no longer in a relationship and the possibility that either parent will get involve with another relationship that are the cause for concern.
Many individuals that find themselves married to another with children, especially women tend to try too hard to please their step children and that can be a big mistake from the outset, so I would suggest that in order for a relationship or marriage to work, when there are children outside of that relation is for the parties to do a few simply things.
- Do not pretend that you are their mother or father, because you are not
- Do not insist that you are present at every meeting that the child and their parent have
- Do not appease them in order to win them over
- Make sure from the outset that a level of respect is given on both sides
- Do not make negative comments about their mothers are their fathers
- Do not appear to take side, if an argument develop with their parent
- Do not allow them to play you off against their parent
- Do not try and isolate your spouse from their children
There are going to be a baggage attached to man or a woman who have children for someone else and the best way to deal with that is to ensure that you put the children first, and try to have a good relationship with the parent of your step children.
It might take years for step children to accept that another man or woman is in their parent life, so exercise patience. That does not mean that you should allow yourself to be a doormat or be trample over.
Most step children can be a living nightmare and if you want to remain with their parent and have a constructive relationship you have to ensure that they do not use and abuse you and in turn you do the same, remember that they have hang ups when it come to seeing another person taking the part that they believe should rightfully be for their natural mother or father.
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