Question:

We’re married 20 years, with wonderful kids. We studied and worked in an Asian country for 15 years before recently moving to Canada.

Several months prior, I discovered my wife was cheating. She claimed it was a former university friend catching up. I told her to stay arms’ distance, as he was still a bachelor. But she began calling him several times daily, spending many hours talking and emailing everyday. She said it wasn’t possible to stop, as she cared for him.

After we moved, I soon learned she was secretly calling him again when I wasn’t at home searching for jobs on the Internet. She’s started picking fights with me over very small things from years ago.

I also discovered she went to meet him a couple of times. I don’t want to see this family break up, the kids will suffer the most. But she doesn’t care about my feelings anymore! How can I solve this problem?

Distraught

Answer:

Anticipating this major move apparently had an emotional impact on her; I’m guessing she reconnected with this man for a sense of security in the midst of upheaval . . . but it’s become a romantic escape.

You must get her to agree to joint counselling to confront why this has happened and what the consequences are. Approach her about this is crucial for the children in the case of a separation, so that you can both continue as effective parents.

It may be the only way to get her to face reality and you to be proactive about how your future will look.

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